Everything has shattered – – – –

painful

Writing – My only companion in the times of loneliness. I never ever imagined that I will have to publish this after almost 2 years of my “Writer’s block” post.

Is loneliness good – Well, as per “BHAGVAD GITA”, it’s good.
One shall not have any attachments, any emotions of feeling good or bad.
Just one aim – That we are on this earth as God’s servant. Which means we are supposed to behave like robots instructed by God. But, is such a life worth living?

If on the other part, we socialize and have a network of people around us, we feel attached and connected. We feel troubled by anyone around us getting troubled.
And in my hardest time, I have realized that in this busy world everyone is so busy running that if you are in trouble, people around you will certainly stop by, support you for a while but will thereafter continue running back, leaving you behind, leaving you alone.

All will just give “Stay Strong” advice and “Move Forward” suggestions and part their ways. Of course, it’s my grieving period. Why will I have people beside me, sitting for a long time and grieving with me?

And if it is so, what is the use of so much of socializing? It is always said, socializing is good so that you have people around you in both good and bad times. But, it is not so in today’s world.

Few formal sentences of congratulations or few formal sentences of condolences – And that’s all you will witness in your good and bad times.

My experiences so far show that I will always be in a troubled and confused state of mind if I do not try to implement the teachings of GITA in my life. So, I have to learn to live with the fact that,

I am alone
I came alone
I will go alone

I shall not have any attachment with anyone around me. I shall just do my Karma and wait for God’s instructions.

But, what is my Karma?

I don’t think, God has sent me here to work on oil and gas projects, to support in engineering of projects which when commissioned and whose by-products are hazardous for nature and mankind. This is not my Karma.

It may be to look after my family, but why? We are all God’s family and God’s decision is supreme and we shall not have any attachment with anyone. Then how come this can be my Karma?

Then what am I supposed to do?

Most of us spend our life in the illusion that our family is our priority, we shall take care of them, arrange comfort and facilities for them. And when your loved one, leaves you, you will hear people saying, God took them away. They got “MOKSHA” or they got heaven. They are in better place and we if we were really attached we shall feel satisfied about it.

But, how can one forget that it is our attachment only with them, that is making us feel – Hopeless…Lifeless…Incomplete…

miss u

I don’t know how much time is left with me, but whatever is left will pass in regret if I do not decide the right path to move.But, I am not able to see any path. I don’t know, why I am getting such a big punishment? My mother left me and GOD also left me. Does “GITA” say we shall not have any attachment with GOD also? If we are only puppets then why do we have emotions? Why we have feelings?

If God is kind,
If God is protecter,
If God is parent,
If God is all,
Why God detaches us when we need God most…?

HE gives Birth and HE gives Death. But, why is then Pooja prohibited for few days? For what is done by HIM, how can it be impure?

Parents never ever leave their child alone but GOD do leave us alone.
How can we then say God is like our parents? NO..NEVER..GOD is dictator and ruler…
No one in this world, not even GOD can be like our parents.

But, still blessed are those who do not care / love their parents. They never feel the pain or at-least the intensity stays controllable. Blessed are those who do not care for anyone around because they are true followers of GITA, no attachments. Blessed are those who do not bother, who do not question because they surrender themselves to be the puppets of God.

My trust and belief was my illusion,
I am not blessed,
I am here to be punished,
I am here to bear the pain,
I am here to feel the pain.
To be surrounded by people
But still feel alone…
To live, feeling lifeless…
To work, feeling aimless…
To move as one piece, feeling incomplete…
Eveything has shattered,
My faith…
My belief…
My trust…
My world…
And, purpose of my existence…

There are so many sayings and so many quotes to comfort us, but I am still searching for comfort. It’s very easy to say, It is much more difficult to accept.

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