No More Celebrations

No-More-celebrations

Fake-smile

Festivals drive me crazy,
I now hate to see celebrations around,
The sounds of happiness and laughter,
Pinches me deep within.

It is not that, I envy you,
It is not that, I hate you,
But, I do hate my destiny,
For snatching these happy moments from me.

I am unable to respond,
When someone wishes me happiness,
I may appear rude,
Because the emotions within don’t let me speak.

Wishes on festivals and occasions,
Do more bad than good,
It seems as if you are teasing my heart,
Because, my life is now dark.

I know, it’s not your intention,
To make me feel hurt,
But, even if it’s unintentional,
It do makes my wound deeper.

My joyous moments and happy days,
Will never be back again,
Life has played a cruel game,
Burning my happiness in flames.

You may celebrate birthdays and anniversaries,
But, for me all days are similar.
You may celebrate New Year,
But, for me old one was better.

You may celebrate festival of colors,
But, my life is now black forever.
You may celebrate festival of lights,
But, my life is dark forever.

I can never ever participate,
In any celebration whole heartedly,
I may be present physically,
But never emotionally.

I may appear to be smiling,
But my soul will be crying,
Intensifying the pain within,
Making it hard to grin.

I may hold my tears,
Falling from my eyes
But, I can’t stop tearing apart,
Of my heart inside.

Whenever I face this festive atmosphere,
I am crushed into pieces once again,
I feel like running away from there,
And sit in a dark confined corner.

Away from those painful moments,
Away from those happy events.
In my own dark world,
With no space for celebrations.

darkness-dark-life

Torn-Insecure-Tears

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25 thoughts on “No More Celebrations

      • Mother is an important personality in every child’s life, but life has to move on. By seeing you this way your mom will not be happy where ever she is, so don’t spoil your health and mindset, be a role model the way your mom dreamed and fulfill it. You are some thing different than others so the talent must move to the happy direction and that’s time heaven shower blessings on your role model and leader qualities.
        Every one will come under such trouble and grief also bad black days, even how ever cloudy the sky sun will shine back and its simple life formula. So cheer up and get well soon. There is a good ahead and you will be around too.
        Have a wonderful week end and be blessed. Cheers.

        Liked by 4 people

      • Hi, I am really trying my best to stay normal thinking that my mom is seeing me and she would love to see me happy and cheerful. But, it’s not easy, every moment reminds of her, I miss her physical presence, her hugs and her words. I am really thankful for your words of blessings, support, care and concern.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I am sure you can reach the best levels. you are the to make up your mind. You are the ruler of your own destiny, so we are around you to cheer you up. Please get well soon. We wish you wonderful days. You are welcome to hong kong if you want to change your environment. You will have many friends from hk who are all in wp too. Cheers.

        Liked by 3 people

      • I am grateful to you all for staying around me in this time of need. And if I visit hk anytime, I would surely like to meet my wp friends there. I do want to be the ruler of my destiny and I would have agreed to this few months ago, but in present circumstances I feel like a puppet who is ruled.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Cheers my friend you are not alone . World is really big and many people there to cheer and smile with you. Your mom will be proud of you when you over come this stressful moments. My dad passed away 12 years back and i too miss him all the time but i make sure to stand up to his expectations always and i tried my best.i know i am not even a bit of what he was but i do my best to reach my goal daily and i ensure i can improve every day. My hobbies like photography listen to music travel and long hours of working routine make me busy but there is no replacement to parents. They are the best and we follow the foot steps. Hope you can do the best as well. We are with you. Cheers.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I can relate and understand it completely. After losing my brother I too feel the same. Nothing helps no matter what people tell us. Try to remember all the time she was with you. If possible start writing it all. It helps. I’m doing the same.
        Lots n lots of love and hugs to you.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Hi Akansha.. I just read your post. You write great.. but somewhere deep within I feel your terribly hurt coz of something. Well as rightly said in the above comment too.. life is a cycle.. hurt and happiness are two faces if a coin. We just have to overcome the hurt and focus on what makes us happy and move on girl.. 😊

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hi Richard, you sensed it right, the post is full of pain. Infact all my recent posts express this pain. I appreciate your concern but I am unable to move forward. I am in deep grief after losing my mother and my grieving will continue forever. It has left me with a wound that can never heal, myself and my life will never be same again. Many thanks for your kind words which are trying to comfort me. But my deep pain seems to have no end now. All my recent posts express my grieving feelings and I will feel this way for my entire life.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I totally understand how your feeling at this moment.. all your pain all the void you feel wen you loose your parent is unmatchable. I agree it can never be replaced. I can tell you about this bec I was there in the same situation when I lost my dad 3 years back from now. The feelings I had to rush through were horrible. I couldn’t imagine our life without him then. I had jus completed my engineering and had started to work. His loss was a sudden shock for everyone of us. Even till date me my mom and my sis we remember him in every single thing we do but by grace of God we are moving ahead with a virtual feeling that though physically he isn’t with us but virtually he still is with us seeing us and going through all that we are along with us. Because..Just imagine this thing if your mom is seeing you now like this in so much of pain and grief you think she will be ever happy? One way of out what I would suggest you do is.. just what I did.. I’ll tell you based on my experience.. I started telling to myself -” if dad was here now in this situation.. what would he do” and I started doing that way.. and trust me things started to change by grace of God I prayed every single step I kept and he helped me come out of the pain and live my life similar to how I would if dad was still der.. you have to get over it.. for your mom sake.. hope you will soon.. cheer up .. I could only give you a warm hug from this distance to comfort you at this moment but only wen you think about getting over it is wen you can actually make your way out of it.. 🤗😊

    Liked by 3 people

    • I read this comment twice and I can feel that you have understood my pain as you have faced the same. I do agree to go with the feeling of virtual presence, I do feel that she is watching me day and night, I cannot see her but I can feel her. It’s more than 4 months now and if I have come this far, it’s only because she us present around taking care of me as always. Infact, when I meet people like you trying to comfort me, I do feel that it’s my mother who has arranged for this message to reach me. But, my feelings are emotions are fluctuating too often. I try to feel better one moment and I break down the very next moment. My emotions outweigh every logic and understanding that I try to develop. She can see me but I can’t see her, touch her, listen to her and I start feeling hopeless. I really don’t know what lies ahead and I have stopped bothering of tomorrow but I will surely keep on trying to be normal as you suggested. I may not succeed but I will put in my efforts. Your comforting words and support means a lot. Thanks for helping me in this tough time.

      Liked by 2 people

      • My pleasure to be of some help to you Akanksha.. I get it..Control over emotions during these times is really difficult but instead of saying “I may not succeed in overcoming it but will try” .. pls continue saying to yourself.. that “I will succeed and I will try to overcome my emotions because I love you mom and you never wanted me to be sad or hurt anytime and so I will be happy”.. just keep saying this to yourself whenever you feel low or terribly breakdown.. this will surely help you out in this.. trust me.. 😇

        Liked by 1 person

  3. My heart reaches out to you dear akanksha..I was in tears as I read the comments to your post. I know, no words can heal your pain and loss. I truly feel for you. And will most definitely pray for your peace..
    Take care..Hugs to you..

    Liked by 2 people

    • You are indeed a very pure soul, you have felt the emotions and situation I am going through, to be able understand others pain is a blessing. Meeting you here and getting your love and support may help me in living with this pain. Thanks for standing by my side in this difficult time.

      Liked by 1 person

    • No, I am not OK. I am in deep grief and I just now read that from the comments chain you got to know this. It is the most difficult phase of my life and all my recent posts are embedded with the emotions and sadness I am dealing with every moment. I am grateful to see your concern for me, to feel the sadness in my words and for asking if I am OK. It means a lot.

      Liked by 1 person

      • And i would say in all this grief, you are still here writing about how you feel, thus itself shows how strong you are…so you need not say anything else…i understand

        Liked by 1 person

    • Ohhh I just read ur comments, i feel really sorry to hear that…i can feel that you are really sad…but dobt be sad okay….because wherever she is she must be happy and to see her child in such grief, she will too become sad….and you dont wanna make her sad, do you? Just live your life…its a gift from your mother, live it for her and live it happily…afterall everyone has a purpose in their life…make her proud of you…dont let her feel that she left you in the middle of something. Be strong enough to make her rest in peace. Just tell her, she has done enough for you and now its your turn and you would never let her feel down…
      And people can leave you but memories stay with you forever…make those memories stay with you…cheer up…as i believe she was and she will be with you forever in your heart 😊😊

      Liked by 1 person

      • I do agree with the fact that my mother will like to see me happy and cheerful always. But, I miss the togetherness, the happiness of sharing all positive things of my life and the support of having her by my side in all difficult times. My mind do tells me to be strong, to be normal but my heart just keeps feeling the void. Trying to be strong is like trying to build a huge building without foundation. I understand what you meant to say and I do my best in being strong but I fail. Yes, she will surely be in my heart forever and she will still take care of me from wherever she is. I am writing by her blessings, it’s a skill I got from her. Also, meeting kind hearted and concerned people here, make me feel that somehow, it’s my mother who is helping me connect with you all so that I may feel little better. Many thanks for writing to me and for offering your support and comforting words.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Hi, I am still struggling and trying to cope up with this situation. It’s so difficult to accept this hard truth. Your words of support and understanding means lot. Thanks for standing by me in this tough time.

      Like

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