Everything has shattered – – – –

painful

Writing – My only companion in the times of loneliness. I never ever imagined that I will have to publish this after almost 2 years of my “Writer’s block” post.

Is loneliness good – Well, as per “BHAGVAD GITA”, it’s good.
One shall not have any attachments, any emotions of feeling good or bad.
Just one aim – That we are on this earth as God’s servant. Which means we are supposed to behave like robots instructed by God. But, is such a life worth living?

If on the other part, we socialize and have a network of people around us, we feel attached and connected. We feel troubled by anyone around us getting troubled.
And in my hardest time, I have realized that in this busy world everyone is so busy running that if you are in trouble, people around you will certainly stop by, support you for a while but will thereafter continue running back, leaving you behind, leaving you alone.

All will just give “Stay Strong” advice and “Move Forward” suggestions and part their ways. Of course, it’s my grieving period. Why will I have people beside me, sitting for a long time and grieving with me?

And if it is so, what is the use of so much of socializing? It is always said, socializing is good so that you have people around you in both good and bad times. But, it is not so in today’s world.

Few formal sentences of congratulations or few formal sentences of condolences – And that’s all you will witness in your good and bad times.

My experiences so far show that I will always be in a troubled and confused state of mind if I do not try to implement the teachings of GITA in my life. So, I have to learn to live with the fact that,

I am alone
I came alone
I will go alone

I shall not have any attachment with anyone around me. I shall just do my Karma and wait for God’s instructions.

But, what is my Karma?

I don’t think, God has sent me here to work on oil and gas projects, to support in engineering of projects which when commissioned and whose by-products are hazardous for nature and mankind. This is not my Karma.

It may be to look after my family, but why? We are all God’s family and God’s decision is supreme and we shall not have any attachment with anyone. Then how come this can be my Karma?

Then what am I supposed to do?

Most of us spend our life in the illusion that our family is our priority, we shall take care of them, arrange comfort and facilities for them. And when your loved one, leaves you, you will hear people saying, God took them away. They got “MOKSHA” or they got heaven. They are in better place and we if we were really attached we shall feel satisfied about it.

But, how can one forget that it is our attachment only with them, that is making us feel – Hopeless…Lifeless…Incomplete…

miss u

I don’t know how much time is left with me, but whatever is left will pass in regret if I do not decide the right path to move.But, I am not able to see any path. I don’t know, why I am getting such a big punishment? My mother left me and GOD also left me. Does “GITA” say we shall not have any attachment with GOD also? If we are only puppets then why do we have emotions? Why we have feelings?

If God is kind,
If God is protecter,
If God is parent,
If God is all,
Why God detaches us when we need God most…?

HE gives Birth and HE gives Death. But, why is then Pooja prohibited for few days? For what is done by HIM, how can it be impure?

Parents never ever leave their child alone but GOD do leave us alone.
How can we then say God is like our parents? NO..NEVER..GOD is dictator and ruler…
No one in this world, not even GOD can be like our parents.

But, still blessed are those who do not care / love their parents. They never feel the pain or at-least the intensity stays controllable. Blessed are those who do not care for anyone around because they are true followers of GITA, no attachments. Blessed are those who do not bother, who do not question because they surrender themselves to be the puppets of God.

My trust and belief was my illusion,
I am not blessed,
I am here to be punished,
I am here to bear the pain,
I am here to feel the pain.
To be surrounded by people
But still feel alone…
To live, feeling lifeless…
To work, feeling aimless…
To move as one piece, feeling incomplete…
Eveything has shattered,
My faith…
My belief…
My trust…
My world…
And, purpose of my existence…

There are so many sayings and so many quotes to comfort us, but I am still searching for comfort. It’s very easy to say, It is much more difficult to accept.

comfort_quotes_1

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6 thoughts on “Everything has shattered – – – –

  1. I appreciate about the matter in your blog. If you believe in yourself and people next to you ,then I will say “universe is like this, It is our belief how we respond to it”.TIME brings changes and both newer stops .It is our choice to match with it or not.

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  2. The first thing to know is that you are not alone. A beautiful thing about the world today is that we have the ability to be more connected than ever before to people who are like us or have had the same experiences. We may be governed by different ideas of God, but I believe that we are not meant to be alone, merely that we must understand our connections for what they really are, connections to other souls rather than physical beings.
    We have the power to speak to people from around the world and find someone to talk to in our hour of need who doesn’t need to feel as though they have power in our lives to make us change. You are going through a profound moment in your life where you are experiencing loss and grief and depression is a part of that process. But you need to know that it is ok to feel the way you feel. You have every right to feel it. It is ok to not be ok, the important thing is not to get lost in those feelings of despair.
    Sometimes we put so much importance on religion in times of need but we ought to turn to our connection with ourselves, in finding out who we are and what we want in these times of huge change.
    I know that religion is important but it should not isolate you or make you feel so conflicted. I can see that you are going through a lot of pain and I want to extend myself to you in your hour of need. I know how it feels to feel so disconnected from the world when someone who is so important to you is lost to death and I want you to know that you are not alone and you are cared about, even when people want to try and control your grief, you have to find the strength to move on in your own way and to live the best life that you can live for yourself, because when you think about it, you are the only person who can look out for yourself in the best ways.
    I hope that you are able to find a way to travel through your depression and if you ever need to talk to someone privately I would like to offer my email address to you if you would like to take it.
    Be strong and remember that everything we go through is just a part of our journey.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks for your kind words and for offering support when I need it most. I can get your mail id from comments section. WordPress gave me few more supporters who do their best to console me and for the first time I have witnessed how strangers across the globe are helping me gather my shattered self. This is such a great gesture, to have someone around in time of need is all you need. I visited your blog as well, and saw you have written on the type of depression I am facing. It will support not just me but many across the world. Your wordings – “But you need to know that it is ok to feel the way you feel. You have every right to feel it. It is ok to not be ok” provides me little comfort and satisfaction because at this stage I can’t suppress my emotions, I can’t force myself to be ok, I can’t portray to be ok and all I want from people around me is to give me the time and space to express myself and my feelings.

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  4. the kingdom of God is within you. Seek God there. You will find Him. you have more value to Him than you do to mankind. he created you for his glory and to share his love with you. that is your true destiny and “karma.”

    Liked by 1 person

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