Identifying Boundaries |-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|

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Boundary—As we all know is a dividing line, a border line that separates the two areas, a line that limits, restricts or controls movement from one side to other.

In our daily life we come across several such boundaries & these can broadly be classified as physical & imaginary. Physical boundaries are clearly visible to us & we all are very well aware of the fact that which ones we can cross and how?

But, what I want to focus here on are the “Imaginary” or “Invisible” boundaries. These are the ones which we cannot see but we need to identify them by feeling them.

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For instance, if we look at ourselves, we will realize that we have formed some boundaries around us. Our near and dear ones stand on one side of this & strangers & acquaintances stand on the other. In fact, there are several boundaries and depending on the level of intimacy we allow people to enter those boundaries.  Same goes, when we deal with others. Everyone has a well protected personal space & a defined distance that they want to maintain with a particular person. We need to judge this based on our relation. If we try to pass the undesired boundary/ line of limit i.e., if we try to move more close, we may appear to be interfering in their personal space. Also, if we try to maintain too much distance, it seems we don’t respect the other person’s closeness for us. In short, if we don’t identify the limits in a justified & desired manner, conflicts may arise.

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And now moving on to the most difficult of all boundaries….those boundaries which if not identified may land us in big troubles.

How to identify the faint boundary line between the following extremes (where one side of line is good & other is not):

Trust / Faith is Good….Blind Trust / Blind Faith is not…

Believing is good…Superstition is not..

Optimism is good… Illusion is not…

Confidence is good…Over-Confidence is not…

Taking risk is good…. Un-calculated risk is not…

Caring is good…Over-protection is not…

Showing concern is good…Interfering is not…

But, how shall I draw a boundary line between above…they are so near…yet so far… How can a normal human like me…draw a distinction line …?

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Looking forward for answers, suggestions, views, opinions that may help me recognize the line.

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21 thoughts on “Identifying Boundaries |-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|

  1. Boundaries are very necessary or not necessary… lets see…
    if no boundaries than no limits, if no limits than everything will be vague and intangible… so you see, drawing line somewhere means you just want to stop there and don’t want to explore…. when you have boundaries, you have attachments, attachments create expectations, expectations causes anxiety, anxiety causes all the problems for you… why?

    Best is to live without boundaries, attachments, expectations… this is the only way to find answers as the focus will be on self…

    The point is not How to draw the line, but where to draw the line….

    Let me begin right here ____________________________________________________

    • Hello,

      Well, I would say , living freely without boundaries would have been good, but what I feel is if we don’t draw a limiting line we tend to have attachments & expectations. And, these become the root cause for hurting us if things don’t move the way we expected.

      And, I loved the last line you shared – “The point is not How to draw the line, but where to draw the line….”
      Would like to add on “And WHEN to draw the line…”.

      Sometimes, we are too late to understand, to act & to react … So, I feel right time also matters.

  2. On the part don’t trust/love/hope too much, i wanna say yes that too much hurts so much, but do you know that too much can fill someone up with much more happiness. And trust me making others happy someday you will find yourself happy. But its true it hurts very much yet it worth pain it causes

    • Hey…I truely agree that giving happiness to others is the best thing we can do ..
      And, I can remove boundaries surrounding me…and let people trust me. But, what I am worried is the other way round i.e., when I start trusting too much & get to know later that they were taking undue advantage of me & my feelings.
      I just feel like having that vision which can help me recognize who is worth trusting?

      • Key to answer this is in understanding. How much you understand the other person whom you are giving happiness. Believe me i am quite certain on this that if there is a mutual understanding then trust and love all come automatically. All you need is understand person in front and make him/her understand you

      • Yup…sure.. if there is understanding… everything else follows automatically. Only, thing is we shall not be impulsive in making judgments…every foundation needs time & so is understanding and trust.

  3. Good post ! Defining boundaries and maintaining them in personal relationships is critical to success and happiness .

  4. Thanks for this wonderful, and well-timed (for me) post. I got all riled up this morning because someone I do not want in my life sent me a letter. I was so angry – how can they do that, don’t they have any boundaries, don’t they know….? Right there, I had crossed a boundary, assuming I was inside their head and that they should know what I am thinking. I have a choice to respond or not. If I do not want them to contact me, then I should reciprocate and not keep the conversation going. Boundary. Right there. Thanks for helping me clarify in my mind!

    Your quote from Henri Nouwen (one of my faves!) really hit home for me. If I don’t lay down boundaries, how can i expect others to recognize them?
    I don’t agree w/ the don’t trust, don’t love, and don’t hope too much. It is who or what you are trusting in, and – as you say – when. You can never love “too much,” you can just love in an unhealthy, over-attached way – without boundaries. You can never hope too much, but only hope in the wrong things and the wrong people – the ones that will let you down. Trust is harder for me to see clearly. I struggle with that, because I used to hope in the wrong things/people and am still recovering!
    Blessings – thanks for the post, and for the follow and likes on my blog. I really appreciate them.

    • Hello,
      Its nice to know that this post helped you defining your boundaries. And, i totally agree with what you say on too much love, too much hope & too much trust. If, we can read & understand the person correctly & if its with right person & at right time, there is no limit for too much & you will never regret, The only thing we have to careful about is that we don’t put in that “too much” with wrong people. Infact, I now feel that “too much” shall be replaced with “blind”.
      We shall not love/hope/trust blindly. We shall have that vision which helps us recognize who really deserves to be in this category.
      Thanks a lot for reading & commenting on this stuff & for all the blessings & appreciation you gave. Wish you too a happy & blessed time ahead!!

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